face in the crowd

March 27, 2009

face_in_the_crowdThink about this scenario for a minute: you walk into a room full of strangers. You glance around the room to see who is there. You walk over to someone & start up a conversation with them.

Sound familiar?  I’m sure it’s a scenario which we’ve all been in but I have a question about it.  When you glance around that room, how do you choose who you are going to go & talk to?

How do you reach that decision?  What influences it?  Do you know what factors affect your decision, or do you think it’s a subconscious thing?  And if it’s subconscious, how do you know what you look for in people? What criteria do you put on people to decide whether or not they are going to be your friend? What things are you looking for in someone and how do you choose who you are friends with?

Ok, I know that’s quite a list of question & points to think about.  But as ever, there is a reason why I’m asking?

Recently I had a conversation with someone and they asked me precisely these things.  They believe that I must, yes I stress must have a list, some criteria by which I decide who to be friends with.  How else am I going to find a partner?!

Er, I’m sorry, a list of criteria to tick off when choosing friends?!  I’m really not at all happy with that idea and I honestly don’t think I have a master-plan of criteria for choosing my friends.  Do you?

I came away from the conversation feeling quite despondent and a little like a hopeless case!  I don’t think I look for specific things in friends.  My friends are people I can relax and be myself with.  They are not my friends because of x y or z.  I don’t have to analyse people to decide whether I like them, I think perhaps that’s more an instinctive thing and I’m not going to start doing that now.  According to my friend, that means I’ll never find a husband, but I think I’d rather not be quite so calculating a person as to examine & judge people in that way.

I’m happy with myself as I am and I’ve no intention of demeaning such a valuable thing as friendship.

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