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Fear

June 14, 2013

So I’m going through a situation right now which is almost paralysing me with fear. It all came as a shock, like a thunderbolt really and now I feel as though I have this huge black cloud hovering nearby, waiting to completely drown me at any minute!

It’s been a tough 24 hours and the next 24 promises to be no better. I’ve really appreciated the support from family & friends and it’s interesting to see how people respond when you call on them in times of need, quite an eye opener actually in many ways.

Perhaps I should have known this was coming? Interestingly words last Sunday really spoke to me. I guess they were meant to, they were preparing me, I was meant to remember then and turn to them these past few hours. They’ve certainly helped me to keep going.

Amazing really the power of words isn’t it? They can completely change a mood, a situation, from good to bad, from kind to wicked, from love to hate. We should all remember that, our words can have such an impact on others, even without us realising it. And on the other side of the coin, our lack of words can sonetimes speak volumes too.

So today, as I fought for my life so to speak, the words came tumbling out. I didn’t think I would manage to adequately represent myself but I felt strength as I spoke and was surprised that I had spoken for some 35/40 minutes. The time had flown by. I believe I was strengthened by the support of those people in whom I had confided, who knew what I was going through, who were with me in thought & prayer. I’m so grateful for that.

Now I have another 24 to dwell on it all. Strangely my fear has now moved on. It’s not gone away, it’s moved. Whatever happens I know I will deal with it. But now my fear has moved on to my worry about how someone else will react to a bad outcome and I find myself scared for someone else. And what makes it worse is, I can do nothing about that.

Time will soon pass and I’ll have my answer before I know it, in a fraction of time . I’m praying now that it will be good, not for me but for someone else, my mum. I’m not sure she’d cope & I find myself scared about what effect it will have on her whilst she is so weak physically & mentally right now. Gosh, I guess our roles have really reversed! Perhaps that’s only right though, after all she has spent my lifetime worrying about me. Now I’m doing the same for her….

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6 comments

  1. Thinking of you today.


  2. Thank you. Have that awful feeling inside & a sense of something bad looming. I appreciate your thoughts & prayers x


  3. You are welcome. It will work out, no matter the outcome. Holding you in prayer.


  4. Thank you x


  5. I hope it’s all over now.. thinking of you still.


  6. Thank you – good to finally have a resolution x



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