December 14, 2013

Today we said goodbye to you.  It was a difficult day but I hope you were proud of us and what we did for you. tears1

We left your house early this morning, the undertaker even walked down the road in front of you to stop the rush hour traffic.  Wonder what you would’ve said about that?  The chapel was tough.  I knew it would be & I so wanted to stay strong but I crumbled a little as I looked at the beautiful flowers on your coffin. Even now I can’t quite come to terms with the fact that you were inside it, it’s just so unreal still.  I was moved to see your grandson shed a tear too but Captain’s words had that effect on us all.  The graveyard was really hard but we rallied round together & tried to look after Dad for you, he misses you so much already.

Your Thanksgiving Service was well attended, I think you would’ve been pleased.  It was a real time of thanks for everything you have been to each of us.  We were told that the best tribute to you was us, your family. We are all so grateful for everything you’ve done for us and the time we spent together. Your grandchildren really did you proud & spoke so well and the pictures that they put together were a great portrait of your life with each of us, helping us to remember special times.  It was all about you.    I don’t know what you would’ve said about that but so many people told me how lovely the service was, so I think you would have liked it too – I hope so.

So where do I go from here?  Well tomorrow I have to start learning how to live my life without you.  That’s a scary thought & I don’t know how I’m going to manage but I guess I have to, don’t I?  I think you told me recently that you’d be ok, to carry on but all the same Christmas won’t be the same without you here. I know you would want me to try to enjoy it though, so tomorrow your grandaughter is going to help me put up the tree.  We won’t be able to do the lights as well as you, but we’ll do our best and hopefully you’ll be smiling down when you see the finished product and it won’t look too bad.  I’ll make sure I put up the lights you gave me and I’ll think of you whenever I look at them.

I miss you, always.  All my love xx

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