An ordinary day?

One minute life is fine, then it hits you like a bus!  Today has been one of those days.  I’m now sitting up really late writing, trying to make sense of what seems to make no sense.  Trying to rationalise what’s happened.  Shaking with fear.  Worrying.  Tired but too wound up to sleep.  Breathe.

It was an ordinary day, well as ordinary as it can be when your job ends because of cost saving measures due to a virus that’s hitting the world.  That was bad.  Then I heard I couldn’t benefit from the furlough safety packages.  That was bad.  Then Dad collapsed on me.  That was scary, very scary.  Quite traumatising to be honest.  Then there was him having to go to hospital.  That was worrying, really worrying in today’s current climate.  But I was assured he was safe, that he was separate from potential dangers.  He was doing ok but would be kept in overnight to make sure.

Then came the phone call.  Today was no longer an ordinary day.  Within a matter of hours it had turned into an horrific day.  The doctor who rang was harsh, a bit too blunt for my liking.  I know he has to be but when he’s ringing with news that will shock, then maybe he should be gentler.  Within seconds I was shaking, stunned.  How could someone who was fine a matter of hours ago, someone who had just passed out with a low blood pressure, how could someone like that suddenly be so seriously ill that a hospital doctor has to phone me at midnight to ask about resuscitation?

What’s going on?  How did we get here?  What on earth happened?

So right now I’m stunned.  I’m in shock.  I don’t know what to think.  And I’m scared.  More scared than I thought I’d be when I got up this morning, when things were still right-ish with the world.  Now I’m just not sure.

If I manage to sleep tonight, what will tomorrow bring?  Will I awake to worse news, the worst news?  Or will that glimmer of hope build and recovery continue?

My rainbow of hope arrived this afternoon.  Never did I need it more.