New start

Excitement.  Anticipation. Apprehension.

Tomorrow I start a new job.  I’ve been waiting for this day for a long time now, a very long time.  It’s been a huge thing in my imagination.  Now it’s actually happening and tomorrow is the big day.  I’m going through a whole range of emotions right now but really, I just want to get there & get started.  I want to meet my new colleagues, learn more about the company and products and just get down to working and doing what I know best.  Exciting times.

I know it’s a good company, with good people and that I’ll be doing a job I love so I’m not worried or scared.  I’ve been waiting a long time.  Loads of good people have been praying about this for me and I guess it’s been worth the wait.  Time will tell but I think it’s going to be fine.  Bring it on 🙂

Limbo

April 1st was a momentous day.
After a long time dreaming, I was finally able to hand in my notice.  Woohoo.

Last week I was offered a new job, something I’ve been wanting for a while now.  In reality it feels like it’s been my main focus for years, a day I thought I’d never see.  I’d dreamed of resigning for so long.  But now what?

I’ll be at work for a couple more weeks not but it seems strange.  I feel like I’m in limbo.  It’s like the earth is a little off kilter.

For the first time in literally years I don’t come home & search the job boards for new roles which have been added that day.  I don’t need to read all those job emails I’m subscribed to every day.  I’m not researching companies & deciding whether or not to apply.  I’m not badgering agencies to see if they’ve got that perfect role, or not even a perfect role, just a role.  And it all just seems strange.

When something so big is suddenly over, well it’s just a little strange and unsettling.  I don’t quite dare believe it’s true.  I’m nervous about unsubscribing from those job alerts.  I find myself having time to relax in the evenings & it just feels like a huge weight has been lifted.  And that’s a little disconcerting, whilst at the same time being amazing.

For now I’m in a state of limbo.  I’m in one job but counting down the days until it’s over and I can leave.  I don’t quite belong here anymore and yet I don’t belong there either.  Limbo.

Inspirational Women

Yesterday was International Women’s Day, a day when we think in particular of the women in our society and all that they have achieved. I think we should also remember those women who have inspired us, nurtured us, encouraged & supported us and those who continue to do so. I’m sure that whatever our background or circumstances there is at least one women who comes to mind that fits that description. If we’re fortunate, there are many. Who would you identify?

This evening I watched the film “Made In Dagenham”, the story of the women at the Ford motor company plant who, in 1968 argued for the right of equal pay for women. I must admit it was inspiring. The fight these women experienced, the prejudice they faced, all because they were victims of inequality was, in 2019, incredible to see. Yet it really wasn’t that long ago. As a society today many still strive for true equality and I support that cause. But would I be as courageous as those women were in 1968? In all honesty I don’t think I would be. So I salute them for the battles they fought and the struggles they faced. Their actions all those years ago benefit me today.

There are so many other examples I could cite: the suffragettes fighting for women’s votes; the black female mathematicians working at NASA during the space race; Marie Curie who introduced the science of radioactivity; Ada Lovelace, the first computer programmer; Rosalind Franklin, whose work led to the discovery of DNA; Marie Grey, Emily Shirreff, Henrietta Stanley and Mary Gurney who were instrumental in providing education for girls by starting the GDST; and the list goes on.

So today I’m thankful. Thankful to those who went before me and gave me a better world today.  Thankful for those women who have influenced me in my life. I hope and pray that perhaps I am or might become that same inspiration to others.

In the words from the film, “I loved reading about extraordinary people making history and I just wondered what it felt like…let me know will you, when you’ve finished doing it?”

Memories

Are you the sort of person who looks back on things fondly, who wants to remember the past & everything that happened? I guess I am. I like all that sort of thing. I love delving into my family history, trying to find out more about those who went before. I have photos around of things I’ve done, places I’ve been, people I’ve known – they’re even being superseded nowadays with printed photo books . I just love flicking back through those pages and memories.

Yesterday I was sorting through some things & came across an envelope in which I found my 18th birthday cards. Wow, was that a journey back down memory lane or what?! Cos let’s face it, that was many moons ago (ridiculous I know!) Anyway it was lovely reading the messages from people and thinking about where we all are now. School friends now scattered across the globe. Family wishing me happiness. Have I fulfilled those hopes & dreams that people talked about all those years ago? Am I still travelling through life with those expectations and excitement for what’s to come?

Amidst the happiness I did find, there was also a hint of sadness though as I read cards from family no longer here. I admit it made me a little emotional reading words from Grandmas, Aunts and Uncles and even my Mum – people who will never share those thoughts with me again. Their messages meant all the more to me & I found myself wondering what they were thinking when they wrote them. What would they think about where I’ve come in life, what I’m doing today? What messages would we be exchanging now in 2019. Hmm.

It’s good to look back but it’s perhaps better to move forward. Tinged with sadness? Maybe. Thankful for the memories? Completely.

When friendships end

I had a strange dream last night. 

I dreamt about someone who used to be a really good friend, someone I was really close to, and with whom I shared thoughts & dreams I’ve never shared with anyone before. I guess it was a unique kind of friendship & it meant a lot to me. Fast forward to today & we’ve not spoken for a couple of years. It’s a shame & I’m disappointed about that, I guess it feels a bit like failure & that mebbe the friendship was one sided. Who knows? All the same I thought I was ok with that & had accepted that they’d moved on & just didn’t have room in their life for me anymore.

So, going back to my dream, well it was one of those nice dreams. Now I’ve never liked the word nice but that’s what it was, nice and comforting & I felt good in my dream & when I woke up too. And that’s when I realised I miss them, despite everything. I’ve had a pretty tough year one way or another & things are difficult at the moment. I guess it’s at times like that that we all need friends & the absence of someone is all the more noticeable. 

But I guess some friends just move on, forget about us & live their lives regardless. That’s a shame. Friends have always been and will always be important to me, not something to just throw away & forget about.  But again, maybe that’s just me?

Miss you! 

Déjà Vu?

You’re standing there, minding your own business, doing your own thing, when suddenly WHAM!  BAM! it hits you, you’ve been here before, you’ve done this before, you’ve seen this before.

Have you ever had one of these moments?  Weird huh?!

Yes, I’m referring to that term known as Deja Vu, which in French, literally means “already seen”. A web definition I’ve found says that déjà vu is “the experience of thinking that a new situation had occurred before.”  But what exactly is déjà vu and how on earth does it actually work?

The reason I’m thinking this is because I had one of those moments last night, when I was brushing my teeth! Yeah, I know, we brush our teeth all the time, so course you’ll get déjà vu, but no, that wasnt what it was about.  It was the thought process that I was going through and the things I was looking at in my bathroom at that same time, that made me feel I’d been there before.  And they werent everyday thoughts before you quote that at me, no, they were thoughts that were specific to something which is actually happening right now, so I cant have had them before, can I?

So what was going on?  How could I have experienced that before?  Do we all (or perhaps some of us) have the ability to predict & foresee things?  Perhaps we can foresee our future in dreams?  Perhaps we are actually able to  travel in time but dont realise we’ve done so, except for having senses like these?

Hmm, think I’m going to have to do a little research of my own on this one.

Anyone out there have any suggestions or answers?

A new year, a new me? But what’s wrong with the old one?

Ok,  so I’ve written in the past about how I dont believe in making new year resolutions, about why should we have to wait until a specific date to think about making positive changes in our lives.  As we now find ourselves in 2010, a new day, a new week, a new month, a new year, even a new decade, my thoughts havent really changed, however I am using this occasion as a time to reflect & think about my life.

January used to just be another month, well January to be precise, but in the last few years I’ve found myself disliking it.  Perhaps it’s the anticlimax after all the festivities in the past week, or perhaps it’s the sense of fear about the future or regret about the past, or the feeling that I’ve failed somehow or that the world actually expects me to be full of enthusiasm for a new year, in wonderment of what’s to come?   I really dont know.  But this year I want this to be different.  I dont want to spend the next 4 weeks feeling miserable.  I dont want to look back at all the bad things that have happened in the past year.  I dont want to be fearful of what lies ahead.  I just want to be me!  I want to be positive.  I want to be happy.  I want to enjoy my life.

Hmm, so how exactly do I go about that?

To be honest I dont know, but I just heard someone on the radio saying that their new year resolution was to do something special every month.  I think that’s a good place to start.  Plan to do things which are different which make me happy.  Perhaps that’s a good place to start this new year, focusing on doing stuff which brings good feelings?

I really dont know, but that’s where I’m going to start.  Now to start on that list … 🙂

40 winks to a brainwave

Have you ever woken up in the middle of the night & had to rush to grab a piece of paper to write down that fantastic idea that came to you in a dream in the middle of the night?  Or perhaps you’ve woken up in the morning just knowing the right solution to a particular problem that you’ve been worrying about?

Well you’re not on your own.  A report suggests that problems are more likely to be solved after a period of sleep, so the old phrase “I’ll sleep on it” does actually hold some truth after all!  Perhaps Orinoco really did know what he was talking about when he had those 40 winks 😉

It’s an interesting issue though.  I wonder just what it is that makes our subconscious selves somewhat more productive than our wake ones.  How can we get that answer when we’re asleep that we cant get when we’re concentrating on it in our woken hours?  Perhaps it’s because everything else is filtered out whilst we’re sleeping?  I dont know, but it’s certainly an interesting thought.

Just believe

“Between Austria and Italy, there is a section of the Alps called the Semmering. It is an impossibly steep, very high part of the mountains. They built a train track over these Alps to connect Vienna and Venice. They built these tracks even before there was a train in existence that could make the trip. They built it because they knew some day, the train would come.”

These words are taken from “Under the Tuscan Sky“, an adaption of the novel of the same name by Francis Mayes.  I watched the film recently and this particular quote made me stop and think.

How often do we give up on things or never even start them because we cant see how things are going to resolve or turn out the way we hope?  How often do we give up on our dreams, believing they are the foolish desires of our youth, hopes for impossibilities that can never happen?  How often do we cease our prayers for that miracle, that one thing which we truly believe in?

We shouldn’t.  We should pave the way, prepare ourselves and believe in the possibilities of the future, of our futures, of what we can achieve or attain if we are prepared to wait our time.

music CAN change the world

Wow!

I watched a programme last night (how an orchestra saved Venezuela’s children) which really affected me. It was fascinating, informative and inspirational and I really felt it. It was about “El Sistema” – a scheme, for want of a better word, which was born in Venezuela. A scheme which was the dream of one man but which has exacebated into an initiative which is changing the lives of people on a day-to-day basis and is even changing the social fabric of an entire country. Amazing!

“El sistema“ began with 11 children in a carpark and now over 11,000 youngsters are involved with it. It had a simple aim, that of teaching children music. But that simple aim has become so much more and it is helping to fight poverty by giving children something to believe in. By giving them a way into music that they wouldnt otherwise have, music by means of an orchestra, is becoming a unique instrument for socialising children. These children are finding passion and a belief in themselves that then can have dreams and they can accomplish them. This is even spilling over into other areas of their lives, helping them to do better in other things as well.

In the programme, Alan Yentob went to Venezuela and talked to people who have been influenced by this initiative. Their responses were inspiring and illustrated the profound impact that El Sistema is having on people there.

“music changed the social life of my country”

“when you have a musical instrument, you feel like you’ve got something.”

“if it wasnt for music they’d just be in the house all day”

“we dont play instruments by chance. God gives us all the opportunity to develop our gifts, it’s up to us to respond to the opportunity.”

“This is the future the world needs. 1000s of children playing music.”

The overwhelming belief was that using music in this way is preventing children from falling by the wayside & getting caught up in a life of drugs, theft, poverty and maybe even worse. It is helping them to grow into better people, giving them hope & dreams, and teaching them that hard work can overcome anything.

And the result?

Today music is fully integrated into the life of the country. El Sistema is doing astonishing things with music to change the lives of poor children. It isnt just producing musicians, it’s also training them as human beings.

Now I’m no expert, but I’d like to call myself a musician & I am fairly accomplished. Perhaps that’s why this has really touched home to me. Music really can change people’s lives for the better. This scheme is fantastic, very inspirational. It’s just mind blowing to see how something so simple, so fundamental as learning to play an instrument, something that I perhaps have always taken for granted, can have such a dramatic impact, not just on an individual but on whole communities and even an entire country.

Music can change lives. If you really set you heart on something you can do it. And what an amazing gift to give to a child – music.

Wow!