Hoping for a brighter tomorrow

Today I just got overwhelmed by things. I thought I was doing ok ish but then everything just got too much & came tumbling out. It was stupid but then if that’s how I felt, I guess it wasn’t.

Life is difficult. It’s complicated. It’s stressful. It’s lonely.
It’s about being responsible. It’s taking the strain and the worry & the stress. It’s about finding a way to cope in the midst of so many difficulties & complications. It’s not just the pandemic. It’s all the additional strains I’m feeling which are mounting on top of that.

It’s hard to navigate a way through. Difficult to stay calm & objective. Tough to not take things personally.
It’s feeling like I have the weight of the world on my shoulders. Wondering how I can change things, live, relax. Just breathe.

So today has been tough.
Here’s hoping for a brighter tomorrow.

Vaccine Day

Today is vaccine day.
I got my text from the doctors 2 days ago & today’s the day. At lunchtime I’ll be off to my GP vaccination centre with my arm at the ready.

How am I feeling? Excited. Apprehensive.

Apprehensive cos it’s an unknown but I’m not usually apprehensive about vaccines so I really shouldn’t be this time. Excited because a more normal future now seems a more immediate light on the horizon. After almost a year stuck at home, the opportunity to actually be able to go out & see people again, albeit in 3 months time, is such a welcome treat.

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So I was met outside the church door by a volunteer, a friendly guy who put me at ease. After a quick spray of the antibac I was directed to the side entrance (a one way system had been implemented, in the side door and out the front door.) Once inside my name was checked off on the computer & then I was given a ticket (944) to wait to be called. I joined 15 or so people sitting at two metres apart in the main church & took a seat as far away from everyone as possible, and waited.

I was reassured to see that whenever anyone was called, a volunteer quickly proceeded to clean the chair that had been vacated. Very efficient & smooth.

When 944 was called I followed the pointing & took my place at station 5 where I was introduced to the dr who was going to vaccinate me. Retired 3 years ago, he’d volunteered to help with the vaccine effort. After all the general questions & comments, the infamous “sharp scratch” and that was it. Vaccinated !

Because I was given the Oxford jab I was advised not to drive for the next 15 minutes so proceeded back to my car to wait in the car park. It gave me time to read the leaflet. It was also good to chat with an older couple arriving for their jab.

I was surprised to be called so soon for my jab & to see a number of younger people there. I didn’t seem to fit into the makeup of people in the current cohort. But I’m relieved. I’m grateful. I’m happy to have finally started on my road to the future.

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It’s been 9 hours since my jab & I’m beginning to feel a bit bit off. Just headachy & tired really so I’m heading to bed for an early night with a cup of tea & some pain killers. Hopefully I’ll sleep it off & will feel like ok in the morning. Fingers crossed x

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Well I managed about 3 hours sleep, if that before I was wide awake & beginning to feel worse. By the middle of of the night, 14 hours after the jab, I had a high temperature, shivers and aches. I’ve made tea & wrapped up in 3 blankets, in my bed, with a hot water bottle and taken more painkillers but am still shivering.

After an hour the shivers are easing but I’m still feeling rough. I guess at least my body is fighting & creating antibodies.

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So I spent the next 24 hours in bed. I felt worse than I’ve felt in years. My temperature kept spiking up to 38 degrees. My head was throbbing incessantly. I ached all over. I had no appetite and basically just spent the day sleeping & drinking fluids. Phew, what a day. The only comfort through it all is that I’ve had a vaccine, this is no where near as bad as the disease and it will wear off soon.

And wear off it did. 48 hours later I felt human again and able to function more normally. I was tired for the next week but that’s a small price to pay for protection. I just hope I don’t react after dose 2 in a few weeks time. Time will tell!

It’s been a great day!

Today has been such a great day. My Dad had his Covid vaccine! 🙂

As I left him at the vaccination centre door I was just hit by a sudden overwhelming wave of emotion and was in tears. It was such a relief. Wow!

So fantastic & I just felt an immense sense of gratitude and joy inside. Truly amazing.

New start

Excitement.  Anticipation. Apprehension.

Tomorrow I start a new job.  I’ve been waiting for this day for a long time now, a very long time.  It’s been a huge thing in my imagination.  Now it’s actually happening and tomorrow is the big day.  I’m going through a whole range of emotions right now but really, I just want to get there & get started.  I want to meet my new colleagues, learn more about the company and products and just get down to working and doing what I know best.  Exciting times.

I know it’s a good company, with good people and that I’ll be doing a job I love so I’m not worried or scared.  I’ve been waiting a long time.  Loads of good people have been praying about this for me and I guess it’s been worth the wait.  Time will tell but I think it’s going to be fine.  Bring it on 🙂

Inspirational Women

Yesterday was International Women’s Day, a day when we think in particular of the women in our society and all that they have achieved. I think we should also remember those women who have inspired us, nurtured us, encouraged & supported us and those who continue to do so. I’m sure that whatever our background or circumstances there is at least one women who comes to mind that fits that description. If we’re fortunate, there are many. Who would you identify?

This evening I watched the film “Made In Dagenham”, the story of the women at the Ford motor company plant who, in 1968 argued for the right of equal pay for women. I must admit it was inspiring. The fight these women experienced, the prejudice they faced, all because they were victims of inequality was, in 2019, incredible to see. Yet it really wasn’t that long ago. As a society today many still strive for true equality and I support that cause. But would I be as courageous as those women were in 1968? In all honesty I don’t think I would be. So I salute them for the battles they fought and the struggles they faced. Their actions all those years ago benefit me today.

There are so many other examples I could cite: the suffragettes fighting for women’s votes; the black female mathematicians working at NASA during the space race; Marie Curie who introduced the science of radioactivity; Ada Lovelace, the first computer programmer; Rosalind Franklin, whose work led to the discovery of DNA; Marie Grey, Emily Shirreff, Henrietta Stanley and Mary Gurney who were instrumental in providing education for girls by starting the GDST; and the list goes on.

So today I’m thankful. Thankful to those who went before me and gave me a better world today.  Thankful for those women who have influenced me in my life. I hope and pray that perhaps I am or might become that same inspiration to others.

In the words from the film, “I loved reading about extraordinary people making history and I just wondered what it felt like…let me know will you, when you’ve finished doing it?”

Memories

Are you the sort of person who looks back on things fondly, who wants to remember the past & everything that happened? I guess I am. I like all that sort of thing. I love delving into my family history, trying to find out more about those who went before. I have photos around of things I’ve done, places I’ve been, people I’ve known – they’re even being superseded nowadays with printed photo books . I just love flicking back through those pages and memories.

Yesterday I was sorting through some things & came across an envelope in which I found my 18th birthday cards. Wow, was that a journey back down memory lane or what?! Cos let’s face it, that was many moons ago (ridiculous I know!) Anyway it was lovely reading the messages from people and thinking about where we all are now. School friends now scattered across the globe. Family wishing me happiness. Have I fulfilled those hopes & dreams that people talked about all those years ago? Am I still travelling through life with those expectations and excitement for what’s to come?

Amidst the happiness I did find, there was also a hint of sadness though as I read cards from family no longer here. I admit it made me a little emotional reading words from Grandmas, Aunts and Uncles and even my Mum – people who will never share those thoughts with me again. Their messages meant all the more to me & I found myself wondering what they were thinking when they wrote them. What would they think about where I’ve come in life, what I’m doing today? What messages would we be exchanging now in 2019. Hmm.

It’s good to look back but it’s perhaps better to move forward. Tinged with sadness? Maybe. Thankful for the memories? Completely.

Onwards and Upwards: Hope – #OneWord365

“Live intentionally, don’t sleepwalk through your days”

Wow!

These are definitely the words for me right now.  I’ve had an awful 2 years but it’s time to move on, to let go of those bitter and resentful thoughts.  I can’t hold on to them forever.  Other people have problems too, I’m not the only one.  They say what we go through affects who we are and what we become.  I need to take stock of that too.  It’s time to focus on positives, to remember the good things and the good times and to be thankful for them and for the opportunities which lie ahead.

Last year I chose the word believe.  I needed to believe in myself and to have faith.  That’s still very much true for me.  But this year I choose the word hope for 2015: hope for today and for tomorrow, for those things in my live which are worrying and troubling me.  As the song says: “strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow”.  I guess if I’m honest I’ve lost a lot of hope in the past couple of years & circumstances have really knocked the stuffing out of me.  Right now I’m relying on that focus that hope will be the belief I need.

I have a unique opportunity right now to start over, to move forward and to carry on living.

“To have faith is to be sure of the things we hope for, to be certain of the things we cannot see.”

Definitely the challenge for me in 2015

Here I go!